Oh My Poor Son

Dear My Lovely Son,

I'm so sorry for being like this
I'm sorry for not having a lot of time to spend with you
I'm sorry that I have to work 24/7, each and everyday, no weekend at all
I'm so sorry that I yell at you sometimes
I'm so sorry that I ignored you

Please don't hate me for what I do

You should know that the house's bills is too expensive
You should know that your future school will be too expensive
You should know that your diapers is too expensive
You should know that your daily meal is too expensive
There are more too many expensive items in this world that i can't afford for you
Unless I spend all of my time working to earn some money

Believe me i really want to spend all of my time with you
Believe me i love to laugh with you
Believe me i love hugging you until you fall asleep
Believe me i love to calm your crying
Believe me i will do everything to make you happy

But
I'm sorry ... i woke up early in the morning to go to work
I stayed up all night finishing my job
But I can't sleep and have to woke up a hundred times to calm your crying, to breastfeeding you

I'm sorry... sometimes i yell at you because I have to finish my job and it's so stressful
I ignore you because I have to work on my task
I'm sorry to make you cry

Please don't hate me
Please do understand
I need money for your future
I need money for our family
I need money for our happiness
To make sure you will get all education that you need to learn
To make sure you will stay safely under our rooftop
To make sure my mother is healthy

I hope someday you will understand
All the challenges we face
Something had to be sacrified

Someday i will find my time just for you
Someday we will laugh together
Someday i will hug you all day
Someday we will earn a lot of money to give you happiness

Please don't hate me
I know you need me
I will do everything to make you stay with me
We spent 8 months together each and everyday
It's time for you to grow up
Just like i always said
Big boy don't cry
Promise me you'll be the nicest kid I've ever know

If someday you you will hate me
Just remember to always do everything that Allah swt and Rasulullah have said
That's more than enough for me
Because I'm not perfect
I hope i still be the best mother you ever had
at least I'm trying

I love you honey.
Be strong!