The Boiling Point

I’ve been through a lot of things recently that made me upset, sad, angry, mix emotion. I feel like this is too much, I’m not supposed to face this entire problem all by myself. Well maybe this is the consequence I have to deal with when I decided to be out of my hometown, alone.

I was a little princess to my father back then. He never brought me down even once. When I had problem he solved it, I made mistake he fixed it, he always be my Hero, always thought that I’m the most wonderful daughter he ever had. I spent all of my time with him, well I suppose to be close with my mom but I didn’t.

My mom and me always argue with every single thing. Not like my father, she always want me to do whatever she said, I wasn’t really connected to her. It was April 30, 2003 In the middle of early morning, my mom was on the phone with my father. Is suddenly woke up and told her that I wanna speak with him. My mom doesn’t allow me to talk and told me to go back to sleep. I was mad at that time. No one knew that was my last chance to talk with my father. He passed out couple hours later in Jakarta.

Someone was belling my house in the early morning. It was rare because no one would do that. I got fever, my mom opened the door but not so long after that I heard noise. She came back to my room and told me to get out from my bed. It was my father’s right hands sitting in our living room, looked at me. I asked them what happened. It was my first time my mom hugged me and told me that my father passed out. I was only 10 years old and it was hard to believe it. My only Hero, the closest person who always did everything to me couldn’t be on my side anymore. I was thinking, what am I gonna do? What am I without him? Why him? Why wasn’t I am the one HE chooses?

Things got worst since then. It’s hard to spend all of my time with someone who doesn’t really connect to me. Even my mom is the one who gave a birth to me, I wasn’t that close to her and I had a not good relation with her at that time. So after he passed out, she was having her own life without letting me be on it. So did I. It was my first year of middle school and a lot of new things going on. That was the time when I really need a support, a guide or whatever it was. But she wasn’t there. I spent my whole year crying on my lost of my father every afternoon and hurting myself for being ignored by my mom. I need affection that my father always gave me every second of my life but it was gone.