When Young Meet Older People

I lived in a country called Indonesia, where all the young people have to show their best respect to the old people. The younger sister has to show some respect to the older one. Respect means you have to call them with Kak, Pak, Bu  etc, you can’t call them by their name.

Well a long time ago it was fine for me, but now seems I got a little problem with that. These are the reason why :

First, I sort of act like an American.

Hold up, I’m not trying to be snooty here. I mean… Well I’ve lived there once. Even it was only for a year, I lived with real American family, be friends with real American teenagers and mingle with real American community so I learnt a lot from them. The thing is, for American there’s no such a thing called “senior” (only used for calling “old” people). I mean in The U.S you can call your parents, relatives or people in general by their real name. There is no specific attitude that you have to show when you are talking with them. You don’t have to kiss their hand or using specific words etc. Only use sisters and brothers I mingled with Muslim community.

They do in Indonesia. You have to show some respect when you meet older people in general whether you have to kiss their hand, choose specific words when talking with them also there are bunch of dos and don’ts.

When the first time I was in The U.S, I try to call my liaison with Brother Jeff. As the time goes it sounds annoying. I still called my host family by Daddy and Mommy even I can call them by their name. I can talk about everything with my teacher, they often share stories about boyfriend or wife with us without being embarrassed. I saw my sister kicked Dad’s ass with her feet. I saw my brother messed up Mom’s head too.

I got a lot of trouble when I went back to Indonesia. I felt like I’m a total freak, I felt like noone understand me. Lucky me, my real Mother understand the situation, I’ve been changing a lot. Well I said everything in my mind to her whether I like or I don’t like something. I’m not saying it was okay, we had such a big fight almost everyday till my Mother get used dealing with my “new” attitude. When it was all-okay with my Mom it wasn’t okay for other family member. My cousin almost slapped me right in my face when he heard the way I was talking with my Mother, he said it was so impolite.

Until now I still treated people no matter how old you are – the same. The way I talk to my Mother is exactly the way I talk with my friends and teachers. I treated people like an American does. Sometimes it’s just hard to realize that people labeled me as impolite girl.

Second, I play different role in different community

I have a job as a teacher, English instructor, speakers, presenter etc.

As a teacher or English instructor I have to be like whoever person I teach. If I’m teaching kindergarten kids, I have to speak, play sometimes dance like a kid. I can’t act like an old teacher that they have to call me “Bu Guru”, the class will become so boring. When I’m teaching general class with sometimes high school, manager, housewife and college people on it, I have to act like a pro. Sometimes they think that I’m 25 years old or something, because if they do know how young I am, they might feel uncomfortable and they rather choose another person who older than me. So I have to act exactly as their friend and make them feeling okay with the environment no matter how old they really are.

As a speaker I have to convince everyone that my experience is worth to try or I have to make sure that they can believe all the information I give to them. Sometimes I speak in front of young people, sometimes people whom older than me in general. So I have to act like an old people at least older than my actual age.

As a presenter, I use to accompany cool people like an ambassador of a country, politician, famous people or whoever cool for people to listen. So I cant tell them how young I am than them but it hurt when sometimes people call me “ibu” than “mba”. *sigh

Third, I’m feeling okay

The last reason is… For me it’s okay to not treat me, as the common old people in Indonesia want them to be treated. It’s fun to feel young all the time, it’s cool to be able to speak in front of older people and not being ignored and they actually listen to every word you say, it’s fine for young people to just call me by my name without saying “Kak” before my name, I feel comfortable when I’m able to treat my teacher or whoever is way smarter than me like my own best friend, it feels good when you able to speak and not hiding something from my parents. I never trying to impress people by being someone I am not because in the end they will find out who you really are.

So, what do you think?

Well I know… I lived in a country with different rules and custom. Especially Indonesia, when people seems really want to know all about you. Sometimes they care a lot about you more than they took care of their own life. When you act “different” be ready to hear all the negative feedback from them. Sometimes they can control your life without feeling guilty at all. They can easily judge you by the way they are thinking about you without knowing who you really are.

The good things are, you can find people who care about you everywhere. You can actually ask them to care and agree about things you’ve said. People really love you when you can do the entire good thing they want you to do. Everybody feel special when you be able to show them some respect than anybody. The last thing, it’s Indonesia! You can’t against more than a hundred thousand people who had their mind set with all of those rules and custom, not everyone been to the U.S and understand foreign mind set.

But I learnt a lot. Some International proverbs told me 

“Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere. “

“By learning you will teach; by teaching you will learn.”

“A closed mind is like a closed book; just a block of wood”

“He who respects his parents never dies.”

“If you can't lick 'em, join 'em.”

“Tell me and I'll forget. Show me, and I may not remember. Involve me, and I'll understand.”

“What the people believe is true.”