Am I Happy?

Sometimes in my world, everything is just hard. I have no idea how could those happy people live in this world without being sad. This time, just like some of old times, I want to give up. Why can’t I stop crying? Why I’m trying so hard to smile? Why?

I am ultra sensitive person. Yesterday 2years old baby boy was angry to me and for me it was hurt me so deep. What if an adult yelling to me?

I told you a thousand times, I hate growing up. In my 20s, people keep pushing me, expect the entire best thing for me, telling me that I’m an adult now. I HATE THEM ALL! Why don’t you leave me alone with all immature thingy I have.

I want to die. It makes me think that there will be noone taking care of me. People don’t have to take me to the doctor, don’t have to talk bad thing behind my back, don’t have to hurt because of my words, don’t have to mingle with a trouble maker like me.

I can’t satisfy them. They keep telling me I have to do this and that if I don’t, I might hurt them. Do I have power to understand those people? Do I have to do everything they say to me? Do I have to be an adult? Do I have to….?

Age is just a number. It doesn’t mean when you’re 40 you are way better than 17 years old girl. But why people keep pushing me to be as good as they say? Do they ever think of my feeling? They are just pretending to know everything about me.

I want to stop dreaming, stop learning, stop talking, and stop thinking. So people will stop pushing me.

I need therapist. Please somebody help me…