Counting The Time Down

I’m scare, just like when I was 9 years old scared to pass the exam and become the 6th grader. I told my dad about that and he laughed.

I don’t like the idea of getting old. I always want to be like Peter Pan. Got to go to neverland, having so much fun, playing around, laughing and find something adventures to do.

For me growing old is open up a chance for someone to think that you have to be mature, be better, do the right thing …bla bla bla bla! I don’t wanna be like that. I have my own rights to become childish whenever I want, able to talking, crying, laughing, yelling, jumping, dancing and singing or do whatever I want to do. I hate expectation and that’s what people gonna do when you growing up. They can easily say “Hey you’re not child anymore”.

What is wrong of being whomever you wanted. Being childish doesn’t always mean selfish anyway. Sometimes young child smarter, wiser, not a liar and responsible on every single thing they do. Do you ever see children who play around and make a mistake, somebody cry and that young kid saying for apologies to the on who cry? Do old people do the same thing? I don’t think so.

I’m not gonna mention how old I am here (Just take a guess anyway) but in this young- old gonna be moment I just feel like I have done nothing in this world. I am still selfish, ignorance, emotional, not yet success or whatever amazing thing I should have done in my age. I’m too far away of being successful. For example Alanda Kariza, she’s amazing young, smart and also success. She always becomes Indonesian representatives of Youth generation in some of International Assembly. While I’m still sitting in front of my Mac, writing down silly thing and useless thought of myself here.

I still want to have some fun, go get my dreams, feeling free, and do a chicken wing everytime I feel amazing. I still want to be in my bedroom, take my pillow and cry all day. At the same time I want to be famous, want to be a writer, want to travel around the globe, want to have a lot of money and have some fun, want to be useful for other people, want to help this nation create peace and world order, want to speak a lot of language, want to take a lot of picture, want to sing a lot of song, everything.

Because I’m too upset for what I have done in the past 10 years. Well I changed a lot and I love it but I was too horrible than I suppose to be. I did bunch of mistake this year and it doesn’t mean I can’t stop doing the same mistake all over again.

I asked Google what should I do but none of them telling me how I am suppose to do. I asked God but shame on me I always ask for everything I need to Him, while I can’t give any single good thing to prove and make Him proud of me.

I feel like a total failed teenager. But it doesn’t make me give up that way. Life must go on, clock keeps ticking, earth still go round and round and I still have to grow up and face all the thing in front of me.

I might be scare but I am not a coward. I might be cry, childish or do the same stupid mistake over and over again, but I always want to be better or even the best person I can do.

I am not gonna give up. As I counting the time down, I believe I will be better than this. Also i'm grateful for everything i have.