Never Ever Again!

For some people 1^st day of the month is the day to make a good wish for a good month. Wishing that everything is gonna be alright at the whole month. But for me 1^st day of the month is more that that.

1^st day of the month is the special day of my love story. On that day was the day I moved on and believe that love actually exists. I found someone and I believe he is the one that I looking for. The day after 4 years giving up on love. It’s probably the small unimportant thing. Unfortunately I am a girl who cares about every detail of important moment.

I’ve been prepared for something good today. I suppose to go home but I canceled that because of today. I want to make today is a special day after 2 months passed by with nothing special. I was about to write all the good things that I’ve been through. It is 9 months and it’s the first time I’ve been in relationship for this long time.

But it was all gone. Two days before I was so upset about what he did to me. I can’t believe it, it really hurts! It destroyed everything about today. He doesn’t even do something or even meet me asking for apologize. He just keeps texting and texting the same thing over and over and over. How does it make any sense? When someone hurt you by ‘doing’ it, he just asking for apologize by ‘words’ only!

Today is a mess. Just like another months ago. Hoping for the same good and special thing every 1^st day of the month and ended up with the same disappointed moment. With the same tears, anger and everything.

So I guess I just gonna let it go. There will be no 1^st day of the month ever again. He will never ever understand every little unimportant moment that so special to me. He did the same thing on my birthday. When every boyfriend in the world trying to make their girlfriend’s birthday special, he left me crying like an idiot!

Maybe I just have to think the same way as he does. That nothing is special and every small thing is UNIMPORTANT!

I’m tired of crying like a baby who lost their toy. Maybe I should learn to let go everything. People will never understand the things that so important to me. Expectation hurts! Maybe I should make my own party and have fun with myself only. I can still create my own happiness with myself. I used to being on my own.

So what now? He will never change. He will always sit back and relax, doing whatever makes him happy with or without me. Just like he left me alone that day. I have no idea what was on his mind? Leaving me without anything and made me wait for an hour and still told me to wait for another two hours after the game? I feel like an idiot who can’t stop crying and wishing and hoping for nothing.

Goodbye 1^st day of the month!

I don’t care if there’s no more 1^st day next month and the month after.