Never Ever Again!

For some people 1^st day of the month is the day to make a good wish for a good month. Wishing that everything is gonna be alright at the whole month. But for me 1^st day of the month is more that that.

1^st day of the month is the special day of my love story. On that day was the day I moved on and believe that love actually exists. I found someone and I believe he is the one that I looking for. The day after 4 years giving up on love. It’s probably the small unimportant thing. Unfortunately I am a girl who cares about every detail of important moment.

I’ve been prepared for something good today. I suppose to go home but I canceled that because of today. I want to make today is a special day after 2 months passed by with nothing special. I was about to write all the good things that I’ve been through. It is 9 months and it’s the first time I’ve been in relationship for this long time.

But it was all gone. Two days before I was so upset about what he did to me. I can’t believe it, it really hurts! It destroyed everything about today. He doesn’t even do something or even meet me asking for apologize. He just keeps texting and texting the same thing over and over and over. How does it make any sense? When someone hurt you by ‘doing’ it, he just asking for apologize by ‘words’ only!

Today is a mess. Just like another months ago. Hoping for the same good and special thing every 1^st day of the month and ended up with the same disappointed moment. With the same tears, anger and everything.

So I guess I just gonna let it go. There will be no 1^st day of the month ever again. He will never ever understand every little unimportant moment that so special to me. He did the same thing on my birthday. When every boyfriend in the world trying to make their girlfriend’s birthday special, he left me crying like an idiot!

Maybe I just have to think the same way as he does. That nothing is special and every small thing is UNIMPORTANT!

I’m tired of crying like a baby who lost their toy. Maybe I should learn to let go everything. People will never understand the things that so important to me. Expectation hurts! Maybe I should make my own party and have fun with myself only. I can still create my own happiness with myself. I used to being on my own.

So what now? He will never change. He will always sit back and relax, doing whatever makes him happy with or without me. Just like he left me alone that day. I have no idea what was on his mind? Leaving me without anything and made me wait for an hour and still told me to wait for another two hours after the game? I feel like an idiot who can’t stop crying and wishing and hoping for nothing.

Goodbye 1^st day of the month!

I don’t care if there’s no more 1^st day next month and the month after.

Tomorrow We Will Never Know. . .

What will happen tomorrow? Noone could answer that but someone who always have a plan knew. Even not all the plan goes as we ever expected. Some people just let it flow.

I maybe the one who prefer to arrange my plan than to follow the flow. When everything goes as I expected I always know how to make it perfect even if it doesn’t I will never make it worst .

I’m not saying those people who just follow the flow are not good. The good thing is they don’t have to worry about anything. Life without worrying something in your life is totally fun.

The thing is :

The color of our life is not always black and white, sometimes you have to put the color that you don’t like , erase it, repaint it or even mix it with another color till you get what color do you want.

To know how beautiful the bright full moon is we have to see nothing at all in the dark and then the light comes out day by day till it’s a perfect full moon, but it can’t always stay forever , it will fade away and it takes time till the full moon comes again

To see a rainbow, we have to discover hot weather in the summer and how wet the rainy season is but it doesn’t make the rainbow comes anytime. When it comes it looks amazing, the rainbow won’t stay forever either, we will never know when it will comes to us, sometimes the rainbow just surprise us.

There’s no such a thing call happy if you never know such a thing called sad. You will never know what the love is till you remember how the thing called broken heart really hurts you.

The point is

Dalam hidup kita gak akan pernah tau whether kita akan jadi orang baik atau jahat. Apapun tujuan kita, kita gak akan pernah tau apa itu baik sebelum tau apa itu jahat. Terkadang kita perlu menjadi jahat, memperbaikinya, mengulanginya lagi bahkan mencampurnya dengan kebaikan sampai kita menemukan hal-hal terbaik yang kita inginkan

Kita gak akan pernah tau betapa berartinya sesuatu yang kita miliki sebelum kita tak pernah memilikinya dan kemudian sesuatu itu datang perlahan, membuat kita bahagia. Tetapi even sesuatu yang kita ingin pertahankan pun tidak akan tinggal bersama kita selamanya. Dia akan pergi perlahan dan suatu saat akan kembali lagi

Untuk mendapatkan kebahagiaan yang sangat berarti, kita harus merasakan betapa sakitnya sesuatu yang paling sakit dan betapa susahnya hal yang paling susah. Itupun belum tentu membuat kebahagiaan itu datang kepada kita. Ketika kebahagiaan itu datang, dia datang dengan sempurna, itupun tak akan pernah kekal berada di sana. Kita gak akan pernah tau kapan kebahagian itu akan menghampiri kita lagi, terkadang dia datang disaat yang tidak pernah kita duga.

Hal-hal yang kau inginkan terjadi mungkin akan terjadi begitu saja. Tetapi kau tidak akan pernah tau rasanya berjuang jika kau tak pernah mengingat rasanya hal yang kau inginkan tak kunjung terjadi dan itu sangat menyakitkan.

Sesuatu akan datang dan pergi begitu saja

Terkadang membuatmu sangat bahagia atau sangat sedih

Harapan akan muncul begitu saja

Terkadang kau akan berjuang mati-matian atau menyerah di tengah jalan

Suatu hari nanti kau haru melepaskan sesuatu yang tak ingin kau pisahkan

Terkadang hal itu membuatmu menipu dirimu sendiri

Ada saatnya kau harus kuat disaat kau harus menangis

Terkadang begitu pun tak pernah mampu membantumu

Karena di penghujung hari ini, cahaya sudah terang, semua sudah kau rasakan, sesuatu telah kau pelajari

Namun besok sangatlah gelap, apapun cahaya yang kau dapat hari ini mungkin dapat kau bawa besok, tetapi bisa jadi kau harus berjalan di dalam gelap sampai cahaya itu menerangimu sama seperti kemarin.

Terkadang kita sangat takut akan gelap yang belum kita jalani, bisa jadi kegelapan esok hari itu adalah kebodohan yang kita tertawakan beberapa hari kemudian.

Terkadang kita tak mau memasuki kegelapan itu, padahal kita tidak pernah tau beberapa langkah lagi cahaya sangat terang akan menyinarimu di dalamnya.

So, That’s a tomorrow we will never know… 

Ps. I love to listen to "Tomorrow"- Soundtrack of Annie The Musical .

" Tomorrow..tomorrow i love you tomorrow, you're always a day away"