Why Love?

It’s October 27^th, Saturday Night.

Well I supposed to finish my Thesis or doing something more important. But I’m a free man blogger so I’m telling myself why not? :P

It’s Saturday night, there is always a lot of people asking me why don’t I hang out with my boyfriend. To telling the truth none of my Saturday night is interesting or fun. It’s just like another boring day with nothing fun to do.

Recently I was thinking about love.

Belakangan ini aku ngerasa kurang punya stock of love to share. Realizing that as we growing up things are changing. Semua orang tau kalau aku udah galau gak jelas pasti ada sangkut pautnya sama si A* sampai sekarang malah. It’s weird I guess, dulu aku ngelakuin everything for love. Spend almost everytime to be with him or doing something fun with him. Ntah karena dulu masih muda jadi masih begitu bodoh untuk mikir pakai logika yang jernih atau memang begitu rasanya drowning in love.

Well I have to admit that he is the best thing I have ever known. Unfortunately I can’t find him anywhere except in the past. He was beautiful to me not today. Meeting him was the best moment in my life, sekarang mau ketemu dia dimana aja he is like a stranger to me. Something is bothering me when I saw his picture with his girlfriend. It feels like I want to ask him “ Do you happy with her?” but I’m not gonna do that.

Something that hardly to forget is we have a lot of things in common. It’s like I can read his mind and he definitely always can read mine. We always do something together, we wore the same clothes, we have the same hobby, we listen to the same songs. What I love the most is the moment when his siblings and his father talk about me. I remember when his father talked to me on the phone and ask me “Do you still love him?” and he said “I know that you do. I believe in something, you have to understand that he’s playing around and having fun with everything he wanted to do right now. But someday he will come back to where he belongs, you just have to wait he will come back to you”

It is almost 8 years I fell in love with him. Till I lost on hope with him when he said “Pit, someday there will be a great guy who will take a good care of you”. Since then I erased him from my mind. Until I found another guy and be in relationship with him after 4 years being single.

I told A* about that and I told him about my plan to get married with him. He was shocked and something that shocked me the most was when he said “Honestly I always imagining myself to get married with you. But it’s okay I’m not ready yet and probably he’s more mature and ready than me” Suddenly I cried. I remember when he had a broken arm he spoke on the phone with me that I will be his wife and I said “ I don’t want to have husband with a broken arm”. But now he is all gone.

The question is

Kenapa aku gak se heboh dulu dengan relationship sekarang? Some of people are telling me to just stop there and find another guy. Dulu kayanya aku bisa melakukan hal apapun even the craziest thing on earth and everyone knew it. They knew that I will do everything for him. Padahal he was never showing me his true feeling, he hid it deep inside. He never told me that he loved me, we just love to hanging around together without speak a word about love.

Mungkin semakin kita beranjak dewasa semakin berkurang mood untuk melakukan hal-hal out of mind begitu. Tapi pasangan pacaran yang lain masih bisa kirim-kiriman pesan romantis menggelikan, throeing out a lot of surprises atau apapun lah yang seems romantic. Aku selalu jadi orang yang bantuin para pacar-pacar ngasih surprise ke pacarnya. Unfortunately seumur hidupku sendiri gak pernah dapat surprise macam begitu ataupun sekedar handmade card.

Aku inget punya 1 buku tebelnya macam ensiklopedia, isinya full about my love story with A*. Sekarang mah ga bakal bisa nulis gitu lagi. Ntah mungkin karena wedding blues atau gimana aku jadi pengen banget sendirian. Toh selama ini juga things not change, aku masih melakukan hal-hal yang biasa aku lakuin waktu jomblo. Dating juga paling makan, nonton yang ujung-ujungnya berantem. Somehow aku selalu mikir kalau kita gak pernah cocok sedikitpun. Apa yang dia pikir bagus buat aku jelek. Setiap nyatain opini buat aku opininya pasti salah. Aku paling ga suka di komen jelek, direndahin atau apalah, eh dia sering bilang suaraku jelek, aku gak bisa masak, mukaku jelek. To a perfectionist like me, di komen jelek sedikit aja rasanya kaya ngelakuin hal buruk seumur hidup, terngiang-ngiang mulu di kepala.

Tapi why on earth kita sampai di titik ini. Titik dimana semua udah tersusun rapi gitu aja. He met my mom and family. Kalau di bilang jodoh mungkin aja jodoh. I have a lot of imagination and I always imagine myself that I will marry mentok-mentoknya sama si A* itu atau engga sama some kind of bussinessman that love traveling all over the world atau marry trainernya om Ary Ginanjar. Who knows kalau I will marry a stranger like him.

Well something that I know is that I always ask Allah swt to give me the best choise for me for everything in my life. So if I met him or anything happen between me and him it must be under Allah swt plan. So I better follow this path of my life. Because life is totally good!