I Wish

Maybe it's true that I’m so in love with you. Maybe it's true I need you more than you need me. 

The thing I got is: "Love is an ability to hurt and being hurt by someone without feeling the pain”.

It's hurt to see you so far away from my sight. It's hurt when I miss you but I get no chance to be with you. It's hurt to see you happy even when you're not with me.

Maybe it's true when people say, " I can't live without you"

Then I listen to this song over and over and over again till I stop crying and sleep.

Watching phantom planes go by
Sinking into the darkness of the night
The lady in the clouds is lyin' down
Beside Chopin while he plays her the words of heaven

Red light beaming just a little over the green familiar hill
I still don't know how to control how I think, or speak, or feel

So...

I wish I'd never fallen in love...
So deeply
I wish I'd never knew that love...
Actually exists

I read your letter today
Told me that you're back in "therapy"
And I don't know why but it still concerned me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/z/zee+avi/i+wish+id+never_20894699.html ]
But they tell me what's the point of hurting
Over something, that was nothing at all
I never used to be so gullible and vulnerable
But I guess with love nothing's impossible

So...

I wish I'd never fallen in love...
So deeply
I wish I'd never knew that love...
Actually exists

You said that I was good for you but you pushed me aside
Now tell me does that seem right?
I've fallen for a pessimist
But God help me I tried
To get you out of it

So...

I wish I'd never fallen in love...
So deeply
I wish I'd never knew that love...
Actually exists...

But I do now...
I do now...

Zee Avi- I Wish I never

Sounds of My Heart

I used to spent my night with you

I still remember the way you sleep next to me

We were always talking about everything

I don't miss you because i don't want to

Even if i do i know there is someone replace my place out there

I turn off my phone because there's no sound ringing

I was counting on you

I can't believe that you are the one who pissed me off

We used to laugh together

You were the most beautiful one i've ever met

But you painted my colorful world with grey

My heart is all blue

There's no longer you

How could you live without me

When you always walk with every shadow of me

How could you talk without me

When every conversation you always spend with me

How could you smile without me

When i was the one who try to make you happy

Someday you will realize

There's no sounds in your music sheet

Someday you will know

The lyrics you've made doesn't match up the melodies

Time goes on and on

I let my heart freeze

This life isn't real

Okeyy..

You know what! i need more than two weeks to make this pieces become together again.

Yes.. everybody know that we were broke up exactly at the time we supposed to celebrate it.

What makes people knew about it?

Yeah he broke me up through facebook..

Seems like technology todays control our “love” live too

Well , i don’t know exactly why he did that on facebook instead of just reply my messages or pick up my call..

This is how we ended up..

Sad .. yap! Kinda hurt.. yap! Disappointed... yap! Regret ... yap!

Hate... OF COURSE NOT!

Why? Yes.. the question is why?

Because.. i’ve been through this kind of situation before

No.. at that time there wasn’t anybody using facebook instead of friendster

But i never broke up with someone through social networking before, we broke up through  ‘short messages service’

Ok.. i’m not gonna discuss about my EX experience right now.. we gonna discuss about my feelings on the last 3 weeks ago.

You can find out how much i falling in love with him by read all my posting below.

For those who knew me so well, you will understand how hard to make me falling in love with someone. Yeah.. it’s hard

But at that time it’s easy for me to fell over him.

He’s totally my type, my senior at the same faculty, charming, he loves music, he plays guitar.. what else... yeah same like i describe my EX – almost PERFECT to me.

But why and why this is happen to me???

I perfectly fine when he didn’t call me, he didn’t text me or even didn’t have time to think about me. I understand what word “busy” mean is..

But he didn’t break me up because of my fault

He felt guilty over me, it’s hard to explain but he said he didn’t mean to broke my heart. But he did!

Well this last 3 weeks makes me really want to know what’s behind all of this situation.

I figured out that he is STILL IN LOVE with HIS EX GIRFRIEND!

Holly molly guacamole!

Yeah.. i was sending him a message about it

But he denied.. he admitted that yes it’s true that he’s still in love with his GF that broke up with him on July 2010. But it wasn’t the reason he broke up with me.

I can’t even trust him, but why and why my tears keep falling for the last 2 weeks.

Is it because i didn’t even cry for a week after he broke up with me? I don’t know

Thing i know is i still in love with him, i told him everything and seems like he doesn’t even care but he tried to be nice to me..

This stupid act i’ve been acting recently didn’t work the way it suppose to be..

It just make me looks dumber than before

I admitted that, but i hate to lie over my own heart

“I might be dumb but i’m not stupid – Rihanna”

I don’t know what to do right now, but i can’t find give up on my own life dictionary

A lot of people try to make me out of this kind of situation

Nobody can do it..

So i told him to help me, he doesn’t know how either

This is complicated

As complicated as 4 years ago

But i’m not gonna be the stupid person i was

Gotta have to move on, if it’s not today maybe a second, an hour, a day, a week, a month, a year after this...