Need Time

I thought being in relationship could change the situation, the situation when you are single into something better. Actually it's so hard to understand other people and let them be a part of your life. Especially when you took to long being single and suddenly have to be in relationship with someone.

First, you have to understand the one you choose to be in relationship with. You have to know his background, what kind of activities he likes, what kind of music he used to listen to, his style, is he fit to be your partner? but nobody is perfect. He totally has something that you don't like, so you have to whether accept for whoever he is or stop thinking that he might be the one you choose.

Second, when you already being into a relationship, it's totally a new world for you. Can you imagine you were always think about your ownself , share things with nobody, control your own activities, your phone rings only in urgent condition, but now is total reverse condition, your world seems to be upside down. 

So you will face so many problem and probably you will start to regret your decision as no longer single anymore, you used to enjoy your "me" time but now you have someone exactly next to you. 

Or maybe you expected something when you are in relationship, something you wish that could be happening in your relationship too after seeing your friend's relationship. After that you will start to disappointed with your own relationship. For example you saw your friend's boyfriend always there when she needs him or when she has a problem to solve but in your own relationship your boyfriend makes his job as a priority so he can't always be there when you need him.

So, never expected something will be better if you are in relationship. Sometimes being single is not bad at all. Being single is not because you can't find someone to be your partner but it is all about valuing your own life. 

You learn a lot from being single and you will also learn a lot of things from being in relationship. You learn to understand people, how to share things that you used to keep on yourself, learn not to let your ego comes first, learn how to give affection, learn to solve problem, learn that nothing is going to be as perfect as you think it could be, learn how to be more patience. 

You need time to learn all of that. It will not happen that fast. You and your partner have to built a good communication so you will understand each other, you will find a solution to every problem you face.

Goodluck

Boys In My Life

Hi B !

Another blogpost. I don’t know why I have a lot of things I want to share in my blog. I was spent my holiday with all my girls. Suddenly I think about something about my “lonely” moment.

I used to lean on boys almost in the whole of my  life. When I was young I spent my life with my father. He is the best one, after school I went to his office and he hugged me no matter he was still at the important meeting.  He gave me every single thing I wanted no matter how small I am to have those thing. He always be there everytime, everywhere, until I was 10 years old, the time he passed out. It was like doomed day for me. I lost the only important thing in my life. He was the only man who can make me feel so special.

Therefore, I used to play with all my cousins. They are all boys. I just have one nephew and she lived so far away from me. So i used to play boy’s game,  like a boy, dress up like a boy. I love all my cousin until now. They always there everytime I want to talk about something. I hang up with them, watch soccer with them and also talked with their girlfriend’s.

Because of that I have a lot of boy-friends (not special "boyfriend") in Junior High. I just feel so comfortable being around them than being with girls. Boys are so much rational than girls. Being with all the boys make me feel so respected. They always took care of me. I remember when i was in fight with one of the boy in my marching band team. Suddenly I heard that one of the most naughty boy’s in the school punched him on the face because of they want to protect me. I never asked them to help me but they said that they will do everything if that boy treat me so bad again. This is amazing and i always feel so amazing with all my boy-friends.

In senior high i mingle with one of my best friend. I called him best friend because i adore him since the very first time in Junior high. I adore him like crazy. He is the best because when everybody hate me, talk bad things behind my back, he always there. He made me smile, he asked me to hang out with him, he never asked about all the bad thing that happened to me in school. He was rarely talk to girls and i was the one. He became my boyfriend at that time. But it just didn't work out for both of us. I love him like crazy until i realized that he is just my best friend forever, he is my brother, my family member. So it's totally normal to always happy when he is around me. He is magic. He can always make me smile no matter what but he never realize. I adore you my brother, my ex-boyfriend and my forever best friend :)


In the USA. Yap! again i have a lot of boy-friend. I mean i don't know why boy-friend is soooo much fun! In my school there are just 6 girls of exchange student. The other mostly boys. The special one was Camilo from Chile. He went to the same school as me and sometimes be in the same class with me. He always with me no matter what i do, when i was angry, cry, laugh, smile he always there. The other also cool. They are funny especially Victor from Brazil that boy always "bullied" me in the good term of "fun-bullying". I miss them a lot! And don't forget Tony from Jakarta. You are the only one Tony, you are irreplaceable.


In College. Wow college is so much fun! Eventhou i was mingle with all the boys at the first time. I finally spent a lot of my time with the girls too. My boys are amazing they always got my back. The girls are awesome too. I can say this is my first time i enjoy my time more with the girls than the boys. But i promised myself to always be there everytime the boys want me to be there.

The only thing i couldn't understand is the real "boyfriend". I know i don't have boyfriend yet, but my girls's boyfriends are so annoying!! I hate the moment when we all had so much fun and suddenly he made my friend cried because he was angry. I hate when he called my friend to go home when we were in the middle of fun time. I hate when he take control of my friend's life and decide what to do. I hate it!
Why in the world a girlfriend has to lost fun because of her boyfriend. Most of them are fun but sometimes they just kill my friend. Why because of the word "love" they can't say what they feel about their boyfriend. Because of they don't want to lose their boyfriend they have to lie or even hide everything inside and always be nice to make them happy?!

It's to "Rempong" the Jakarta's said. I don't wanna have a boyfriend who decide whatever is good for me to do, because i knew exactly what the best for me, it's different when i ask for an advice to him, so he free to tells me what to do.


I don't wanna lie to my boyfriend that i still need time to mingle with my friend and not pretend that i'm at home and tell my friends to shut up so  he might not know that i am lying.


I don't wanna have a boyfriend who always lie to me that i am the one.         
Most of my boy-friend always lie to his girlfriend that she is the one, he has another girlfriend instead. If you love me why do you have to cheat on me, right?


This is weird. I used to be a boy-friend hero. They always ask me to help  to talk with their girlfriend. I used to hate girls who hurt boys's heart, but it's normal for me if boys hurt girls.
But now i start to hate them all. They no longer can protect a girl, since one of my friend had s*x with a girl and make her pregnant. They no longer nice since they cheated on their girlfriend like my friend did.


I knew not all the boys are same. But mostly yes.
I think that's the reason why i rather stay single like this until i found a gentleman who can protect me, my heart and makes me feeling so special and not so annoying like another boyfriend does...

My Future Boyfriend I

Welcome to my brand new blog layout. Layout kali ini is one of my favorite deh soalnya bisa ngewakilin tema dari blog ini sendiri.

Sometimes sebelum nulis blog aku bingung deh kudu nulis in English atau bahasa Indonesia. Tapi mudah-mudahan semua post yg ada disini bisa ngebantu kalian buat ngerti bahasa Inggris yaa, soalnya aku juga kudu latihan nulis in English , since I am pretty poor in writing and till now I can’t write an essay perfectly.

Speak about my life recently. I’ve been thinking of being all alone since a long time. Last month on April udah 9 tahun Papah meninggal. Gak kerasa udah selama itu aja aku gak ngerasain kasih saying Papah yang paling aku sayang. I miss you Pah I really do. I used to celebrate April with him. April 12th is my birthday and him is on April 15^th but he also passed out on the 30^th.

Since then I used to do everything all by myself. I’ve been pretty busy since I was in Junior High. Busy with school and extra activities so I don’t have time at home. My mom also busy with her own activities. I was in Dormitory at the first semester of my High School and I move to public school after that until the 2^nd grade. At my senior year I flew to the Unites States of America. Kepilih jadi pertukaran pelajar ke Amerika program AFS-YES 2008-2009. After that pulang ke Indonesia. Rencananya mau ngelanjutin senior year di Samarinda lagi tapi kepala sekolahnya bilang untuk langsung aja urus kuliah tahun itu juga. Jadilah di Samarinda cuma sekitar 2 minggu terus terbang lagi ke Jakarta untuk kuliah. Awalnya tinggal sama Karina, tapi karena rumahnya and jadwalnya Karina beda jauh sama aku, aku putusin untuk ngekost aja.

Can you see it? I used to live all by myself. Biasa hidup sendiri, ngelakuin semuanya sendiri. I kinda miss my Mom and I’m pretty sure she is. Udah banyak perubahan sama mamah yang tiap tahun aku tinggalin sendiri terus. Agak gak enak hati sih ninggalin mamah sendiri di rumah but this is for my future Mom.

For your information, I’ve been “jomblo” for almost 3 years since I was 2^nd grade in high school. I was broke up with him with stupid reason I couldn’t even explain it. But it was a very long time ago waktu aku masih belum ngerti what love is. ( sekarang juga belum ngerti-ngerti amat juga sih lol). Miris memang setiap ngeliat temen-temen lama di facebook atau di manapun mereka semua masih sama pacar-pacar mereka beberapa tahun yang lalu, sumpah awet banget. (yg gak awet paling gak kalian pernah pacaran bertahun-tahun week :P) sampai ada yang udah nikah segala.

Ngomong soal nikah semua sepupu aku yang perempuan udah pada punya baby semua. Bahkan sekarang satu per satu sepupu aku yang cowo juga mulai nyusul pada mau nikah. Tinggallah aku satu-satunya perempuan di keluarga yang belum punya pacar jadi boro-boro juga ngomongin nikah. I know I am still young and fresh. Think about y future I still far far away from married. But at least masa iya aku gak pernah ngerasain apa yang mereka rasain tentang being in a relationship.

continue to My Future Boyfriend II.....

My Future Boyfriend II

Kata orang aku terlalu nutup hati. Padahal sih engga juga, punya temen cowo seabrek-abrek bahkan di katain flexible saking gilanya sama sama mereka. Kadang dikatain casingnya doang aku cewe tapi hatinya cowo. ( yg ini beneran gak tau aku maksudnya apaan :P). Tapi kalau di pikir-pikir ya I truly enjoy being single like this I just want to explore the way people being in relationship. Selama ini cuma jadi tempat curhat, rumah aku jadi tempat pacaran temen-temen aku doang. Bahkan ni ya dari generasi ke generasi dari temen aku pacaran sama A sampai sekarang dia pacaran sama si D aku belum-belum aja punya pacar lol.

Banyak yang bilang belum waktunya. Hello it’s been 3 years loh masa iya belum-belum juga. Aku bukan penganut sekali pacaran langsung nikah loh apalagi yang nikah dulu baru pacaran. No no! aku kudu kenal dulu siapa dia and dia harus mengerti betul siapa aku.

Well am I tired being all alone? Definitely yes! Kadang kalau sedih curhat sendiri, nangis sendiri gak ada yang bisa tiap waktu siap buat share. Gak semua sahabat punya feel and waktu buat kita kan? Bahkan setiap aku desperate curhat sama salah satu dari mereka, mereka malah mikir aku naksir ma mereka. Parah banget dah. Aku juga cape lah kemana-mana sendiri, gak punya temen makan, temen debat, temen timpuk-timpukan, temen marah-marahan, temen kangen-kangenan. I wanna be like my friends too. Melakukan sesuatu yang kadang gak rasional apalagi kalo orang pacaran lagi marahan gara-gara hal yg mostly stupid.

I totally enjoy my company with my girlfriends. Yap! Mereka gila, nyenengin, perhatian tapi tetep aja beda kalo kita punya someone (a gentleman) yang bisa bikin kita ngerasa so special. Yang bisa bikin kita salah tingkah lah, berubah lah apa lah yg mostly stupid but fun itu tadi.

For my future boy friend out there. Yes I am a day dreamer! Kadang aku ngehayal punya pacar cerdas yang bisa ngelawan setiap argument dalam debat yang sering aku omongin ma anak-anak di kampus pas lagi lunch. Punya pacar yang sudi ngomong bahasa inggris sama aku all the time. Punya pacar yang naksir aku gara-gara diem-diem suka sama tulisan diblog or twitter aku, atau suka gara-gara suara aku, atau kegilaan aku selama ini. Punya pacar potografer yang bisa nemenin aku hunting poto. punya pacar yang ganteng, tajir tapi baik hati. Punya pacar yang bisa bikin mamaku suka sama dia. Punya pacar yang solat ma ngajinya lebih jago daripada aku kemana-mana. Punya pacar yang gak pernah minum atau gak doyan ngerokok. Punya pacar yang bisa bikin mukaku yang jutek and nyebelin ini senyum terus sambil megangin kepala aku.

Nyatanya aku gak punya pacar hehehehe…. Thanks God ngehayal itu gratis!

I never tired for being a day dreamer. Soalnya cuma hal itu yang paling membahagiakan dalam hidup aku.

Well bersyukurlah bagi kalian yg udah punya someone special. Jaga mereka loh karena belum tentu kalian bisa dapet orang sehebat mereka yang bisa mengerti kalian baik dan buruknya. Take care guys!

Promise

Batu karang yang terlihat kokoh ternyata lemah terkikis air laut

Gunung yang berdiri dengan megahnya luluh lantah diguncang gempa

Air yang tenang bersahabat merubah raut muka menyedihkan

Well, aku bukan pujangga yang pandai bermain kata

aku bukan pelukis yang ahli menumpahkan warna

aku bukan kuli tinta yang pintar mengumpulkan rasa

tapi semua yang aku tulis ini lah yang bisa aku gambarkan for someone like you.

Senyum yang selama ini terlihat ternyata menyembunyikan banyak cerita

Bodohnya aku tak pandai membaca isi hati seseorang

Rapuhnya kamu, kesepiannya kamu

Andai aku bisa paling gak jadi seseorang yang bisa bikin kamu tersenyum

Tersenyum bukan untuk yang kemaren, tapi juga untuk yang hari ini dan seterusnya

Seandainya kamu jauh lebih dulu memberanikan diri

Untuk aku temani, mungkin gak selama ini kamu sakit

Mungkin sudah takdirnya kita ketemu sekarang

Disaat selangkah lagi kamu pergi

1 tahun lagi

1 tahun itu lama

Aku berharap banget hati ini gak berubah

1 tahun menunggu cukup kan buat kita ketemu lagi

Ngeliat kamu yang jauuuuuh lebih baik dari sebelumnya

Sampai akhirnya kita janji buat bisa ngejalanin rencana-rencana ini

Tuhan gak jahat ko

Aku yakin kamu bisa, kamu semangat, kamu kuat

Janji anak laki-laki yang hebat kepada Ibunya

Semoga Allah dengar semua niat baik kamu

Goodluck

See you around :)

What is LOVE?

This is something you always want to ignore it. You called it “LOVE”.

What is the meaning of “LOVE”?

Some people said Love is beautiful

Some people said Love is a part of your heart

Some people also said Love is a piece of your life

Something i knew about LOVE is

I'm young and i don't wanna waste my time to stay with the only one guy that seems i'll love him forever.

I really want to get to know people before it's too old to be around some guys in this world.

God already provide love before we need 'em .. We just have to find them.. Time will tell.. I gotta enjoy those opportunity i had.

Well it’s lovely to have someone who want to stay with you a year or more than more as a boyfriend.

But is it necesarry? How about those beautiful things you can do without thinking about that guy who probably can hurt your feelings any second of any time?

I ever asked my friend who had been linked into this girlfriend and boyfriend relationship about 3 years or even more and they ended up with BROKE UP.

The only reason he told me was “We were too far away; I was young, naive, and full of mistakes. I think this is completely my fault to end the relationship. I kept asking myself why I should be bound to this tie, which I could never imagine where it might end up; why can't both of us enjoy our college time and making so many relationships and connections with other people surround us, to be a better person, to understand one another, to have a good life? instead of trapping in one relationship and becomes dull, fearing one would betray the other, and thus creates more jealousy, and so on and so forth. I was too possessive, and never once be good in maintaining communication. Finally I didn't like the way she always checking up on me, make sure I was not doing something stupid, and vice versa, I did that, too to her. It was just a pain in the butt for not trusting each other. I finally ended up liking another girl.... It was an awful mess, if you will.
I was also considering both of our paths are just way different, and it's just hard for me to keep hoping we could be together. So I came back home; we talked, and talked, and talked without ending. And finally we broke up through phone, because we both could not stand looking at each other. sigh...
I would say she would be better off without me, because I'm not fit with her, and so is she with me, in any way. We had dreamed ourselves being together, but I feel it's just impossible to be real. I guess right now we both made a good decision. I hope she has moved on, and be a greater person -which I'm pretty sure she will- for her community.”

He also said “ Nothing in this world would be so perfect”

I’m thinking right now...

You will never find true love until God show you who your true love is gonna be.

I’m not perfect

I broke someone else heart, hurt someone else feelings, threw away a lot of love memories.

I made mistake, i’m forgiven but still did the same thing all over again.

And if you think i’m a player, you totally got me wrong.

I just do things i wanna do and ignore everythings i don’t wanna do.

Life is all about choices. Same like my friend just did into their relationship story.

I just wanna be like this for a while.

Stay single or love someone that i loved.

Leave them when i feel nothing inside.

Or even feel hurt someday.

It’s not gonna change a thing.

We supposed to enjoy our time, it’s not gonna come back for the second time. If it does, it’s not gonna be same.

I love you and if you the one that God want me to stay with you forever, i do and i always do J