The Fault In Our Stars

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Just to be fair. I would say this is not a review or a spoiler about The Fault In Our Stars movie or book. It's just me talking about it. 

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So, i just finished this amazing book from John Green called "The Fault In Our Stars". I watched the movie first and it was so good and it won't complete without reading the book. So after read that book i came to a conclusion that this is the best and yet my most favourite book this year after Sherlock ( Sherlock is always my only one all the time).

I feel so grateful for my life. I mean Thank Allah swt i don't have cancer or anything that i have to deal with. Sometimes I and probably you drown into complaining each and everyday about how miserable our life is. Like I can always complaining about having a baby in this young age and I don't even know how to be a good mother even if I try so hard each and every minutes. I should be more grateful that I was okay when i was giving birth while other people have to go on surgery. I should be more grateful that my baby was and still grow up as a super happy and healthy baby while other parents have to go to the hospital frequently. I should be more grateful that even when i lost so many people, experienced my father passed out and wasn't be able to talk or even met him for the last time and he was my favourite ones - or other family member that have died - my mother is still here taking care of me and doing great.

Shailene Wood was right. It's not about death or cancer or illness. It's about us value our life and our chance to just enjoy our time or maybe fall in love. We're all gonna die anyway. Also Hazel Grace was right, i don't have to work so hard to leave a mark on this world. I don't have to envy people who went into newspapers like my father did, or fear of oblivion just like Augustus Waters. In ten years or another years after our funeral people will start forgetting about us and keep moving with their lives. Just like I did. Well I kinda still miss my father but I no longer wailing about him each and everyday like the old times but ya i moved on. I'm not living in such a perfect life, I still have to struggle but i should be more and more thankful about it.

I remembered this line " Our life in this world it's just like a field trip. We're just like a tourist, we gonna come back to where we're belong. Before that come back trip we should prepare for every single thing that we need on our way there". So we're not living just to have fun and regret all the way when we're back home. Just like I wish I knew more about USA when I was there, or I wish I talked more fluent in English or learn more French and Spanish so I can be more successful today. Or any other " I wish" things.

Instead, I fell in love with both of this book and the movie. I can rarely see the author of a novel get involved so deep in the movie. But John Green was there the entire time according to the cast interview. So I can feel that the book is actually come into a real life on the movie. Some plots are changing like when Augustus said that He loves Hazel was took place in a plane on the book but it was in a fancy restaurant in the movie. But still we got all the quotes sounds amazingly right on the movie. The way Augustus said "Like a Metaphor" was extremely adorable.

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I fell in love with John Green's words. Just like i fell in love with another amazing authors like Sir Arthur Conan Doyle on Sherlock, 'Dee'wi Lestari on Perahu Kertas. The way he explains about love, all the amazing quotes etc. He also good at broke my heart into pieces. But it would be a privilege to my heart broken by such an amazing author like you John Green.

It was my first time reading a romantic novel wrote by a gentleman. It sounds unique, it's not too romantic but we can feel the feeling between Augustus and Hazel. Love is in the air as we read the book. John Green is a gentleman but he wrote it from Hazel Grace/ a girl point of view but i can't feel the way a women writer always does on romantic novel. When a women write something about love, she melted me as a reader. Like that was a dream that will never come true but seems will come true. But John Green's love is real. He doesn't sell love that way. It wasn't hard to be in love but it wasn't easy to be together and also at the end they are together in different path of life not happily ever after like other novel always do. Which is amazing. As I'm not surprise when the first time I went to his twitter timeline and read how genius he is. Like working together and talk about poverty with BILL GATES is something that might sound incredible to me.

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Also I FELL SO DEEP IN LOVE WITH AUGUSTUS WATERS. I have to capslocks it, so it might sound more like me when I read about Augustus. He was extremely a hot guy with an amazing smile and a super kind heart. He said Hi and never lost his sight on Hazel Grace, Gave his only wish to make a girl wish come true, read a girl's favourite book, be patience with love etc. Which is so adorable. I always get this butterfly on my stomach everytime he said something about love and beautiful to Hazel Grace like i'm Hazel Grace myself. 

I want to date someone like Augustus Waters in real life without cancer and one leg thing. I mean I want a normal REAL person of Augustus Waters. I FELL IN LOVE MORE with The Augustus Waters version of Ansel Elgort!! I mean he just super perfect for Augustus Waters cast. The way he smile, talk and everything. He brought the character alive. Also his chemistry between him and Shailene was perfect too. 

Gus was a guy that every girl ever dreamt of. He smiles when he talk. Read our books just so he can understand our point of view, call us exactly when we need to hear his voice, play video games or basketball just like cool kids do, saying "I had crush", "I like you", "I'm in love with you" in a perfect tone and time, the way he said jokes and everything. I want this Augustus to be alive in this solitary world but more with a good job with a good salary, own his own private jet, being able to travel without asking Genie Foundation to do so and stuff. Just like a combination between Augustus Waters and Mr. Christian Grey altogether plus he is Muslim and a believer just like me :P

Well i feel fine to lived in my dream for so long. I mean it's a free world where i can keep dreaming without losing any money on it. Also it's not impossible to have one like that. I mean there are so many good looking gentleman out there who might be dumb or something for falling in love with me. It could be interesting to be in love with someone who care enough about what kind of book i read and discuss it all night long with me, who find me normal when i think about the story is as real as it might be. Make our dreams come true or just sitting next to us and smile everytime. I will read his too or play his video games or anything in return.

Anyway have you seen Glenn Alinski and Chelsea Olivia's proposal video? See you got my point right? It's not impossible to find our Augustus Waters in real life. We just have to be lucky and maybe begging God more so HE might think we deserve someone like that.

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I spent everyday searching for The Fault In Our Stars. I mean I couldn't get enough of it. It's like my own AIA. I can re-read and re-watched everytime without being bored. So that was a time when I hit Youtube and saw these amazing TFIOS interview, i was shocked by Shailene. She's the real Hazel Grace without cancer and more luck from her hard work rewards. She's a GENIUS!!! I mean every single words that comes out from her mouth was amazing, well phrased. You should see this video of John Green, Ansel and Shailene talked about love and had to draw it by buzzfeed. Shailene was like Steve Jobs that just invented an Ipod Touch and explain it to public. Each and every time she talks about something makes her more than just an Actress. I went through all of her video, the 101 hugs tips, the way she talked about TFIOS or just random conversation about Ansel, even Ansel himself might agree with me. I'm in love with her. I mean i've never been in love with an Actress no matter how cool Anjelina Jolie is on her movies, i never fall in love the way i surprisingly in love with Shailene Woods. Well i always love Selena Gomez, but Selena Gomez is such a sweetheart kind of girl. This Shailene Woods is more like Steve Jobs in a girl's body. Her words are like a poetry she just talk like nothing happens. Her explanation about everything is always deep like everything is such a serious matter like a smell from a guy body that she explained.

She should write a novel and i'll be the first one who fell in love with it.

Too much love on this blogpost this time. Well thank you John Green love is in the air of my head that include all of these imagination of love, Augustus Waters smile (great enough to make me smile all the time like crazy), Shailene great words and all of your great quotes. As i said i lived in my imagination - the world safest and happiest place. One of unknown 3D space that only me and my brain would visit. I might to know whether you have something like I do or it is just your brain doing amazing stuff like producing great sentences? Or do you have spell that you have to say on each pages so we will always falling in love with your amazing work?

Nice to know you John Green, Shailene and Ansel Elgort.

Even just from nowhere that those prof. of technology had invented.

Me and my brain love you.

I Wish

Maybe it's true that I’m so in love with you. Maybe it's true I need you more than you need me. 

The thing I got is: "Love is an ability to hurt and being hurt by someone without feeling the pain”.

It's hurt to see you so far away from my sight. It's hurt when I miss you but I get no chance to be with you. It's hurt to see you happy even when you're not with me.

Maybe it's true when people say, " I can't live without you"

Then I listen to this song over and over and over again till I stop crying and sleep.

Watching phantom planes go by
Sinking into the darkness of the night
The lady in the clouds is lyin' down
Beside Chopin while he plays her the words of heaven

Red light beaming just a little over the green familiar hill
I still don't know how to control how I think, or speak, or feel

So...

I wish I'd never fallen in love...
So deeply
I wish I'd never knew that love...
Actually exists

I read your letter today
Told me that you're back in "therapy"
And I don't know why but it still concerned me
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/z/zee+avi/i+wish+id+never_20894699.html ]
But they tell me what's the point of hurting
Over something, that was nothing at all
I never used to be so gullible and vulnerable
But I guess with love nothing's impossible

So...

I wish I'd never fallen in love...
So deeply
I wish I'd never knew that love...
Actually exists

You said that I was good for you but you pushed me aside
Now tell me does that seem right?
I've fallen for a pessimist
But God help me I tried
To get you out of it

So...

I wish I'd never fallen in love...
So deeply
I wish I'd never knew that love...
Actually exists...

But I do now...
I do now...

Zee Avi- I Wish I never

Message From Heart

The conversation between me and My Mom this morning :

Me : “Mah, What if he walks away from me? That could be he is not what Allah swt 's plan for being my longlife-friend right? What if I become so sad? Who’s gonna healing that?”

I never expected the answer, My mom replied :

“Nanda, manusiawi sekali pada awal kejadian kita sedih.. Jika itu terjadi, Allah swt mengajari kita langsung zikir dengan Innalillahi..

Nanda.. mari kita melihat dengan penglihatan Allah swt supaya hati kita tenang, siap… di catatan Allah swt sekarang kan sudah tertulis apa yang akan kita alami di hadapan kita, senang ataupun sedih..

Cuma kita sebagai hamba yang lemah, ketika terjadi itu langsung “kaget” kok begini?

Jika kita sudah paham dengan skenario Allah swt sebagai Mukmin yang beriman pasti lapang dada, karena Allah swt menetapkan begitu…

Allah swt telah berjanji jika hambanya di beri ujian musibah dan dia bersabar dengan ujian itu, kata Allah swt Dia akan menggati dengan yang lebih baik… Yakinlah dengan janji Allah swt

Mau gak Nanda di naikkan Imannya oleh Allah swt dan di sediakan Surga?

Caranya ya harus mau di uji dulu. Itulah bayarannya…

Berprasangka baiklah dengan ketetapan Allah swt mendapatkan RidhoNya

Mamah berdoa, selalu memohon kepada Allah swt agar memberi yang terbaik untuk nanda, mamah dan semua..

Perhatikan, lihatlah selama ini kita- nanda dan mamah- dan hanya kita berdua berjuang membangun sebuah harapan masa depan, karena kita gak mau bergantung kepada orang lain- gak mau nyusahin orang lain.

Alhamdulillah kita bekerjasama, nanda bagian belajarnya…

Nanda itu sedikit lagi sudah hampir mencapai finish, tapi coba lihat… Allah swt hendak menguji kita, sekarang inilah ujiannya. Itu semua kejadian atas ijin Allah swt memang sudah tertulis di Lauh Mahfuz.. Ingatlah orang yang diuji itu hanya hamba-hamba yang terpilih. Mampukah kita melewatinya dengan keimanan?

Insya Allah swt… “


"Nanda coba kita renungkan ini, memang gak ada yang kebetulan... ini petunjuk Allah swt. Mamah baru aja ngambil buku tauhid yang di kasih ustadz Syamsuddin tebalnya 5cm, recana mau banya nanti pas buka bukunya, ini isi halaman yang kebuka ....


Diriwayatkan bahwa Ubadah bin Ash-Shamit berkata kepada anaknya, 
"Hai anakku, sungguh kamu tidak akan merasakan nikmatnya iman sebelum kamu meyakini bahwa apa yang telah ditakdirkan mengenai dirimu pasti tidak akan meleset, dan apa yang telah ditakdirkan tidak mengenai dirimu pasti tidak akan menimpamu".


Aku telah mendengar Rasulullah saw bersabda,
" Sesungguhnya pertama-tama yang diciptakan Allah swt adalah Qalam (pena), 
lalu Allah swt berfirman kepada Pena "Tulislah" 
Pena menjawab "Ya Tuhanku, Apa yang harus kutulis?"
Allah swt berfirman " Tulislah takdir segala sesuatu sampai hari kiamat". "


Hai Anakku, aku pun telah mendengar Rasulullah saw bersabda,
"Barangsiapa yang meninggal tidak dalam keyakinan ini, maka ia tidak termasuk umatku. "

I couldn’t handle my tears the time I read all  she was saying to me.  I was imagining what my Father would say if he can say something to me right now, I do miss his hug. That was from my Mom and these are from Allah swt :

“Apakah kamu mengira bahwa kamu masuk surga, padahal belum nyata bagi Allah swt orang-orang yang “berjihad” diantara kamu (menegakkan islam, memerangi hawa nafsu, berinfak ke jalan Islam, mencegah kemungkaran) dan belum nyata orang yang sabar…” – Q.S Ali Imron ayat 142

“Kamu pasti di uji dengan hartamu dan dirimu… jika kamu bersabar dan bertaqwa. Itu urusan yang diutamakan” -Q.S Ali Imron ayat 186

“Wahai orang beriman, bersabarlah kamu dan kuatkan kesabaranmu dan bertaqwalah kepada Allah agar kamu beruntung” – Q.S Ali Imron ayat 200

“Sesungguhnya terhadap hamba-Ku (beriman) engkau iblis tidaklah dapat berkuasa atas mereka dan cukuplah Allah sebagai penjaga..” –Q.S Al Isro ayat 65

“Maka ni’mat TuhanMu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan”

Ya Allah swt thank you so much for always being right beside me everytime and never get tired to love me and help me. I do love you more than anything in this world!

Need Time

I thought being in relationship could change the situation, the situation when you are single into something better. Actually it's so hard to understand other people and let them be a part of your life. Especially when you took to long being single and suddenly have to be in relationship with someone.

First, you have to understand the one you choose to be in relationship with. You have to know his background, what kind of activities he likes, what kind of music he used to listen to, his style, is he fit to be your partner? but nobody is perfect. He totally has something that you don't like, so you have to whether accept for whoever he is or stop thinking that he might be the one you choose.

Second, when you already being into a relationship, it's totally a new world for you. Can you imagine you were always think about your ownself , share things with nobody, control your own activities, your phone rings only in urgent condition, but now is total reverse condition, your world seems to be upside down. 

So you will face so many problem and probably you will start to regret your decision as no longer single anymore, you used to enjoy your "me" time but now you have someone exactly next to you. 

Or maybe you expected something when you are in relationship, something you wish that could be happening in your relationship too after seeing your friend's relationship. After that you will start to disappointed with your own relationship. For example you saw your friend's boyfriend always there when she needs him or when she has a problem to solve but in your own relationship your boyfriend makes his job as a priority so he can't always be there when you need him.

So, never expected something will be better if you are in relationship. Sometimes being single is not bad at all. Being single is not because you can't find someone to be your partner but it is all about valuing your own life. 

You learn a lot from being single and you will also learn a lot of things from being in relationship. You learn to understand people, how to share things that you used to keep on yourself, learn not to let your ego comes first, learn how to give affection, learn to solve problem, learn that nothing is going to be as perfect as you think it could be, learn how to be more patience. 

You need time to learn all of that. It will not happen that fast. You and your partner have to built a good communication so you will understand each other, you will find a solution to every problem you face.

Goodluck

God doesn't allow me to fell in love 2

Wew ada part 2 nya? Yup yang part 1 itu mah belum selesai, istilahnya itu cuma introducing doang biar pada ngerti.

Setelah kejadian yang di part 1 aku jadi mikir, kok bisa ya aku setia ama perasaan yang sama selama bertahun2, padahal apapun kan bisa terjadi selama itu tapi aku tetep bertahan. Padahal banyak banget yang ngomelin aku, nyuruh aku move on lah, lupain semua itu lah tapi kalau emang dari diri kita sendirinya masih pengen bertahan gak bakal ada yang berubah. Aku orang yang keras kepala selama aku pengen ngelakuin sesuatu, sebelum selesai sampai ke ending ga ada yang bisa bikin aku nyerah.

Akhirnya setelah bisa move on aku ketemu seseorang yang bisa bikin duniaku berubah lagi. Seakan-akan semuanya kembali membaik sejak kenal sama dia. Kita cuma ngobrol awalnya tapi pertama kali kenal dia seakan-akan ada yang special aja. Aku gak gampang punya perasaan sama orang, tapi kenal sama dia rasanya bahagia aja. Lama-lama deket, tiap hari ngobrol tiap detik tiap menit. Kalau ada yg salah sama aku pasti dia nanyain ada apa. Tiba-tiba ada orang yang care lagi sama aku, ngobrol lagi sama aku setelah sekian lama bodo amat sama semua yang terjadi apa gak special rasanya. 

 

Aku jadi melakukan banyak hal-hal bodoh. Kalau aku tiba-tiba jadi bodoh banget itu artinya aku bener-bener jatuh cinta sama orang. Gimana gak bodoh, aku bener-bener gak tau apa2 soal cinta,ga tau gimana caranya biar cowo naksir ma kita, gak tau klo cewe tu kudu jual mahal, gak tau semua teori-teori gituan lah. Yang aku tau, aku orangnya gak suka boong, aku terbuka apa adanya, apa yang ada di kepalaku itu juga apa yg harus orang tau tentang isi kepalaku tentang perasaanku. Tapi kali ini semua harus di sembunyikan rapat-rapat, gregetan! aku gak suka begitu, knapa sih ga boleh bilang "Hey aku suka sama kamu itu yg aku rasain sekarang" . 

Well akhirnya aku bertahan sama teori dan teori, aku tahan semua dan ganti sama tindakan. Aku care banget sama dia padahal boro2 care bales sms orang aja ogah. Aku ngucapin semua met2an met tidur, met pagi, boro2 banget dah orang ngetok pintu aja nih aku main buka2 aja pintunya ga ngomong apa2. Anak-anak bilang aku cewe flexible (padahal mau ngomong jadi-jadian). Aku cuek, bodo amat, lebih sering ngumpul ma yg cowo di banding ma yg cewe, so kalau aku tiba-tiba jadi waras jadi cewe beneran berarti memang ada yang salah sama aku. Itu semua karna tu cowo ajaib.

Aku pulang ke homwtown, padahal aku tau tu tempat paling membosankan, gak ada kendaraan, gak ada hiburan, ga seru intinya titik. Tapi aku pengen banget ketemu dia. Akhirnya ketemu dia waktu dia manggung. Agak lebay tapi sumpah bikin gak bisa tidur, rasanya pengen deket trus sama dia. Makin lama ngobrolnya makin ga putus. Sampai akhirnya aku ngelakuin hal gila, nemenin dia ke Jakarta. Hal gila yg pernah aku lakuin cuma sejauh ke Balikpapan naik motor tapi ini aku kudu ke Jakarta lagi padahal nyata2 baru pulang trus ntar balik lagi kesini. Aku boong sama mama, koncoan sama tanteku, sampe akhirnya minta tiket sama sepupuku biar bisa nonton konser yang sama ama dia. Temen-temenku bilang aku ga ada otaknya, buat aku ini kesempatan buat dia ngerasa aku ada, siapa suruh cewe gak boleh ngungkapin duluan jadi aku buktiin aja.

Setelah itu aku jadi makin deket ma dia. Bareng ama dia 4 hari berturut-turut aku pikir cukup lah buat bikin dia ngerasain apa yang aku rasain. Komunikasi ga pernah putus. Kalo aku ga ada ngehubungin dia ngehubungin aku mulu, sekali ngehubungin kita ngobrol gak berhenti2 sampai tidur lagi.

Lama-lama ada yang aneh. Ada cewe lain yang suka sama dia. Aku paling gak suka bersaing sama orang, klo emang mau bersaing dari awal aku pasti mikir. Setau aku dari awal banget aku ngobrol ma dia, dia ga deket sama siapa-siapa klo pun dia ada deket sama orang aku pasti ga bakalan naksir sama orang itu. Ternyata ntah aku yang terlalu lama kenal ama dia atau emang cewe itu baru naksir dia atau gimana aku ga ngerti. Yang pasti aku mulai feel ga enak.

Singkat cerita aku mulai ngerasa tertekan gara-gara cewe itu. Aku mulai ngerasa kalau dia harus tau apa yang aku rasain, tapi aku tetep ga mau ngomong dluan. Aku pancing-pancing, sampai akhirnya aku berantem ma dia. Dia nyuruh aku ngeluarin semua uneg- uneg aku. Aku ceritain dari awal sampai akhir

Endingnya,  ternyata lagi- lagi bukan a happy ending buat aku.

Dia milih cewe itu, itu pilihan dia. Dia gak tau kalau selama ini aku sayang sama dia. Kalo orang fall in love itu wajar, kalau aku fall in love itu namanya ajaib dan ajaibnya lagi aku selalu ketemu sama orang yang salah. Apapun yang pernah aku lakuin itu tulus dari dalam hati. Mungkin bener kata temen aku aku terlalu menaruh harapan besar sama orang yang aku sayang. Apa salah kalo aku sayang banget sama orang yg bisa bikin aku sayang banget sama dia? 

Satu hal aja sih, aku gak habis pikir semua ini kejadian. Ga habis pikir kalo dia gak nyadar aku sayang sama dia padahal semua udah aku lakuin. Ga habis pikir kalau kata-kata dia selama ini omong kosong sampai akhirnya tega ngebohongin aku di ending cerita waktu dia udah tau semua.

Well, losing someone doesn't mean he gets someone better than me. Yang aku tau aku beda, aku gak bakalan disamain sama cewe manapun, baik buruknya aku THIS IS ME.

Kalau dia milih cewe itu, ini ending ceritanya. Aku gak bakal ngelakuin hal bodoh di part 1 selama bertahun-tahun lagi. Kalaupun suatu saat nanti dia kangen sama aku atau nyadar kalo gak ada yang kaya aku well back off boy, nikmatin aja semua rasa bersalahmu ini resiko. Aku juga dapet resiko ngerasain semua ini, aku gak pernah nyeselin ini terjadi. Aku jadi belajar banyak hal. Kalau kamu bahagia hari ini suatu saat nanti pasti ada masanya aku yang tersenyum menikmati semua kebahagianku :).

Life must go on, dari part 1 aku belajar banyak untuk ngejalanin cerita yang part 2. Kali ini memang sakit banget rasanya, tapi lebih cepat juga sembuhnya. Allah memang gak jawab setiap doaku yang ada nama orang lainnya, setidaknya semoga saja doa-doaku yang lain di kabulkan. 


Welcome skripsi tanpa gangguan :D

God doesn't allow me to fell in love

God doesn't allow me to fell in love

Wew, judul postingan kali ini agak-agak frontal sepertinya. Aku bukan nabi yang tiba-tiba di kasih tau sama tuhan begitu, well let me tell you this biar kalian tau kenapa judul postingan kali ini begitu.

I was in love with my best friend, sahabat dari SMP sebenernya lebih ke adoring him too much sampai akhirnya ngobrol and temenan. Ntah dia tau apa engga kalau aku naksir dia dari dulu atau mungkin dia udah biasa di taksir orang. Sampai akhirnya SMA kita pacaran terus putus karena kebodohan. Aku bodoh sih atau emang kita yang terlalu kekanak-kanakan. Yang aku tau setelah putus kita sahabat, ya sahabat bagi dia tapi bagi aku, aku sahabat yang masih berharap kita balikan, aku sahabat karena ga siap jauh dari dia ga siap kehilangan dia. Ternyata bersahabat sama seseorang yang kita sayang banget itu jauh lebih perih sakitnya. Kita kudu tersenyum saat dia nemuin seseorang yang lebih penting daripada kita. Kita harus terima saat posisi kita itu sudah bukan siapa-siapa lagi walaupun kita yang tau banget luar ma dalemnya dia, kita yang paling ngerti siapa dia di banding orang itu. Tapi yang lebih menyakitkan lagi kita satu-satunya orang yang ada di saat dia jatuh dalam kesedihan. Itu terus terjadi sampai mungkin 3 tahun. Bayangkan 3 tahun dalam pengharapan semu cuma gara2 aku gak siap kehilangan. Endingnya kita berantem sebagai sahabat, berantem karena kita udah mulai ngomong yang engga2 tentang satu sama lain. Kita mulai bersikap emosi yang kekanak2an. Tapi siapa sangka ternyata itu yang bikin aku berhenti, berhenti dan nyadar kalau semua ini omong kosong. Dia memang kenangan yang gak bisa di hapus gitu aja, tapi Life must go on, aku tinggalkan semua itu di belakang biarin jadi cerita dan kebodohan yang aku tertawakan nantinya. Akhirnya aku berhenti melakukan semua yang aku lakuin selama ini ke dia. Sampai akhirnya sesuatu bikin kita ketemu lagi, agak kaget ternyata semuanya udah berubah. Kita sahabatan lagi, kali ini jadi sahabat yang bener-bener sahabat. Dia sahabat aku yang aku kenal dari SMP, gak ada lagi yang perlu diingat dari kebodohan masa-masa itu, kita saling support.

Dari situ aku belajar mau berapa lama kita berjuang untuk seseorang kalau dia memang pengen pergi ya biarkan dia pergi. Semua yang kita lakuin selama ini mungkin percuma, tapi pasti ada hikmah di balik semua itu. Aku jadi punya sahabat yang tau gimana and siapa aku. Life is totally good right?

 Next to God doesn't allow me to fell in love 2

Me Without You is Like Lyrics With No Melody

When i met you for the very first time, it feels like a love song i used to sing along

I felt something like i never did before or it was just an imagination i trapped in

You were like lyrics i try to match up with the melody

I thought we were not in the same lyrics but we were just play in the different tunes

Your smile is a treasure i will never find it anywhere

I bought a shoes so i can walk by next to you

I listen to the song i never listen before

I did something crazier than i ever think

Just because of you are here inside of me

I try to tell you something that i hide deep inside

Try to help you read the signals i gave

I ended up lie to you about someone else out there

All i know is you cant understand and not even realize 

I can't find the words to tell you

I just don't wanna be all alone but now i feel like i don't know you

Please come back and sing that song again with me

We used to keep awake under the moonlight and sleep in the sunshine

To be with you is just a dream or something else

I felt something i never did before

You are the only exception. The choice i have made

All i know is we have to say " I Love You" to someone we fell in love with

I know you can't hear it but i hope you feel it

In every smile, every step, every sound, every moves, every words, every heartbeats we make

I am here...

To the one who can't understand 

To the one i keep hiding it

To the one i miss 

Me without you is like lyrics with no melody....

RP.

My Future Boyfriend I

Welcome to my brand new blog layout. Layout kali ini is one of my favorite deh soalnya bisa ngewakilin tema dari blog ini sendiri.

Sometimes sebelum nulis blog aku bingung deh kudu nulis in English atau bahasa Indonesia. Tapi mudah-mudahan semua post yg ada disini bisa ngebantu kalian buat ngerti bahasa Inggris yaa, soalnya aku juga kudu latihan nulis in English , since I am pretty poor in writing and till now I can’t write an essay perfectly.

Speak about my life recently. I’ve been thinking of being all alone since a long time. Last month on April udah 9 tahun Papah meninggal. Gak kerasa udah selama itu aja aku gak ngerasain kasih saying Papah yang paling aku sayang. I miss you Pah I really do. I used to celebrate April with him. April 12th is my birthday and him is on April 15^th but he also passed out on the 30^th.

Since then I used to do everything all by myself. I’ve been pretty busy since I was in Junior High. Busy with school and extra activities so I don’t have time at home. My mom also busy with her own activities. I was in Dormitory at the first semester of my High School and I move to public school after that until the 2^nd grade. At my senior year I flew to the Unites States of America. Kepilih jadi pertukaran pelajar ke Amerika program AFS-YES 2008-2009. After that pulang ke Indonesia. Rencananya mau ngelanjutin senior year di Samarinda lagi tapi kepala sekolahnya bilang untuk langsung aja urus kuliah tahun itu juga. Jadilah di Samarinda cuma sekitar 2 minggu terus terbang lagi ke Jakarta untuk kuliah. Awalnya tinggal sama Karina, tapi karena rumahnya and jadwalnya Karina beda jauh sama aku, aku putusin untuk ngekost aja.

Can you see it? I used to live all by myself. Biasa hidup sendiri, ngelakuin semuanya sendiri. I kinda miss my Mom and I’m pretty sure she is. Udah banyak perubahan sama mamah yang tiap tahun aku tinggalin sendiri terus. Agak gak enak hati sih ninggalin mamah sendiri di rumah but this is for my future Mom.

For your information, I’ve been “jomblo” for almost 3 years since I was 2^nd grade in high school. I was broke up with him with stupid reason I couldn’t even explain it. But it was a very long time ago waktu aku masih belum ngerti what love is. ( sekarang juga belum ngerti-ngerti amat juga sih lol). Miris memang setiap ngeliat temen-temen lama di facebook atau di manapun mereka semua masih sama pacar-pacar mereka beberapa tahun yang lalu, sumpah awet banget. (yg gak awet paling gak kalian pernah pacaran bertahun-tahun week :P) sampai ada yang udah nikah segala.

Ngomong soal nikah semua sepupu aku yang perempuan udah pada punya baby semua. Bahkan sekarang satu per satu sepupu aku yang cowo juga mulai nyusul pada mau nikah. Tinggallah aku satu-satunya perempuan di keluarga yang belum punya pacar jadi boro-boro juga ngomongin nikah. I know I am still young and fresh. Think about y future I still far far away from married. But at least masa iya aku gak pernah ngerasain apa yang mereka rasain tentang being in a relationship.

continue to My Future Boyfriend II.....

My Future Boyfriend II

Kata orang aku terlalu nutup hati. Padahal sih engga juga, punya temen cowo seabrek-abrek bahkan di katain flexible saking gilanya sama sama mereka. Kadang dikatain casingnya doang aku cewe tapi hatinya cowo. ( yg ini beneran gak tau aku maksudnya apaan :P). Tapi kalau di pikir-pikir ya I truly enjoy being single like this I just want to explore the way people being in relationship. Selama ini cuma jadi tempat curhat, rumah aku jadi tempat pacaran temen-temen aku doang. Bahkan ni ya dari generasi ke generasi dari temen aku pacaran sama A sampai sekarang dia pacaran sama si D aku belum-belum aja punya pacar lol.

Banyak yang bilang belum waktunya. Hello it’s been 3 years loh masa iya belum-belum juga. Aku bukan penganut sekali pacaran langsung nikah loh apalagi yang nikah dulu baru pacaran. No no! aku kudu kenal dulu siapa dia and dia harus mengerti betul siapa aku.

Well am I tired being all alone? Definitely yes! Kadang kalau sedih curhat sendiri, nangis sendiri gak ada yang bisa tiap waktu siap buat share. Gak semua sahabat punya feel and waktu buat kita kan? Bahkan setiap aku desperate curhat sama salah satu dari mereka, mereka malah mikir aku naksir ma mereka. Parah banget dah. Aku juga cape lah kemana-mana sendiri, gak punya temen makan, temen debat, temen timpuk-timpukan, temen marah-marahan, temen kangen-kangenan. I wanna be like my friends too. Melakukan sesuatu yang kadang gak rasional apalagi kalo orang pacaran lagi marahan gara-gara hal yg mostly stupid.

I totally enjoy my company with my girlfriends. Yap! Mereka gila, nyenengin, perhatian tapi tetep aja beda kalo kita punya someone (a gentleman) yang bisa bikin kita ngerasa so special. Yang bisa bikin kita salah tingkah lah, berubah lah apa lah yg mostly stupid but fun itu tadi.

For my future boy friend out there. Yes I am a day dreamer! Kadang aku ngehayal punya pacar cerdas yang bisa ngelawan setiap argument dalam debat yang sering aku omongin ma anak-anak di kampus pas lagi lunch. Punya pacar yang sudi ngomong bahasa inggris sama aku all the time. Punya pacar yang naksir aku gara-gara diem-diem suka sama tulisan diblog or twitter aku, atau suka gara-gara suara aku, atau kegilaan aku selama ini. Punya pacar potografer yang bisa nemenin aku hunting poto. punya pacar yang ganteng, tajir tapi baik hati. Punya pacar yang bisa bikin mamaku suka sama dia. Punya pacar yang solat ma ngajinya lebih jago daripada aku kemana-mana. Punya pacar yang gak pernah minum atau gak doyan ngerokok. Punya pacar yang bisa bikin mukaku yang jutek and nyebelin ini senyum terus sambil megangin kepala aku.

Nyatanya aku gak punya pacar hehehehe…. Thanks God ngehayal itu gratis!

I never tired for being a day dreamer. Soalnya cuma hal itu yang paling membahagiakan dalam hidup aku.

Well bersyukurlah bagi kalian yg udah punya someone special. Jaga mereka loh karena belum tentu kalian bisa dapet orang sehebat mereka yang bisa mengerti kalian baik dan buruknya. Take care guys!

The Reason Why i HATE Bye! 1

I was spent my Amazing time in Washington DC 2008-2009

and here's the reason why i HATE bye (because there's nothing good in Bye!)

  

My AFS-YES 2008-2009 fellas

My AFS-YES fellas 2008-2009

All my International friends in DC

All my international friends in DC

AFS Chapter DC

All my best friends in School Without Walls DC:

International Students

SWW International Students

French Class Besties

Rebecca and Justice

All the time besties

Ana and Camilo

My Eygpt friend

Dina Amgad

When is My Turn ?

“Whenever you have a goal, whether you want to be a doctor or a singer, people will find a way to bring you down. I always tell people that if you have something you’re really passionate about, don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do it. - Selena Gomez”

Akhir- akhir ini semangat aku naik turun. Setiap hari aku ngeliat semua orang berhasil bangun dari tidur dan mewujudkan mimpinya. Kadang aku berfikir this is one of my passion and I want to do something about it. Tapi kadang aku juga berfikir apa ini memang bukan dunia aku. Terkadang pengen banget buat lepas dari semua keinginan mewujudkan mimpi-mimpi itu. Kadang juga semangat mati-matian bikin aku gak akan pernah mau nyerah gitu aja. Banyak orang bilang untuk never give up for your dreams atau you deserve to fight for your dreams. Banyak juga orang yang membuktikan bahwa mimpi dan kerja keras mereka berbuah hasil yang memuaskan. Dari orang yang biasa sampai jadi orang luar biasa. I really want to be extraordinary. Some people think I did, but it’s never enough for me. Bukan karena aku gak puas dengan semua yang aku mau, tapi aku belum bisa bermanfaat bagi orang banyak.

Tapi apa yang kalian lakuin kalau orang yang mengunderestimated your dreams itu orang yang paling kamu pengen bahagiain di hidup kamu??

Yeah it was my mother. The one who bring me down to the bottom of the earth. She doesn’t want me to be a singer. She doesn’t want me to travel around the world. She just want me to stay home and just be an ordinary people.

Setiap orang tua pasti pengen yang terbaik untuk anaknya. I knew it. Tapi untuk tidak mendukung semua hal-hal baik yang aku impikan??? I can’t take that. Untuk yang kesekian kalinya rasanya aku pengen untuk tiba-tiba hilang ingatan dan gak punya impian apa-apa.

Aku percaya Allah swt. Maha Mendengar, Maha Kuasa. Aku tau gak susah buat Allah swt mewujudkan semua impian aku hari ini juga. Aku juga percaya Allah swt tau apa yang terjadi di kehidupan aku.

Di setiap doa aku minta Allah swt. ngasih yang terbaik untuk impian-impian aku selama ini. Kalau semua orang bisa ngewujudin semuanya kenapa aku gak?

Dulu Allah swt. sering banget mengabulkan semua impian aku. Sampai aku bisa ke Amerika itu juga berawal dari sebuah mimpi. Aku percaya Allah swt. masih dengerin semua permintaan aku.

Sekarang aku berusaha dan berdoa semoga semua harapan dan usaha aku gak sia-sia. Karena gak ada yg sia-sia dari semua hal baik yang kita kerjakan. Niat baik aja sudah termasuk kebaikan gimana dengan niat baik yang di laksanakan.

Semoga giliran aku untuk ngewujudin mimpi-mimpi ini secepatnya bisa datang. Aku berharap banget. Semoga semangat ini gak pernah pudar no matter how hard to keep this spirit on fire. Nothing is impossible and I really do believe that. Wish me a lot of good luck :)